RANTINGS OF A LUNATIC WIFE

IT'S OFFICIAL

Hi, remember me? I am still a wife and I am still a lunatic. The only difference, is that it's official....I AM FORTY!

No matter how many times I type that, I am not sure I will ever get over seeing it. It makes me feel so old. It reminds me of a shirt my Auntie bought my Mom at Six Flags one year. It showed a woman screaming and the caption read "My Worst Nightmare has come true....I HAVE BECOME MY MOTHER". Okay, it's not quite that bad. I am definitely not my mother, or mother-in-law, sister or sister-in-law.

The reason I know this? I'd still rather get hit by a car than wear assloads of makeup all day. No, they don't really cake the stuff on, but they all have a problem, for the most part, with leaving the house without any on. I, on the other hand, have no such compunction. As a matter of fact, I wear it so infreqeuently, that people notice when I do. Personally, I think makeup should be reserved for special occasions (weddings, anniversaries, corporate officers coming to the building...Halloween).

Don't get me wrong, I like makeup, I own plenty. I just don't like to wear it. I actually own some very nice stuff; it's not cheap either. Any time someone does a Mary Kay, Avon or some other type of makeover, I am usually invited. I don't enjoy the parties because I am always the oddball. But I like the pretty colors and usually the end result. So much so, that I almost always purchase, some, if not all that I tried on. One of my friends once called me "a contradiction". I have to say, I resemble that remark. It's one of those things I have to "own" about myself.

I was going to tell you about my birthday, but there really wasn't much to tell. My sister gave me a gift certificate to Amazon.com. I bought JAG Season 2 (let's not even start on that, or I will never finish this blog), Grey's Anatomy Season 1 (used) and three books. My Mom and her husband sent me books, new earrings and I loved it. My Aunt and her partner got me some much needed new clothes. I have to take the jacket back because my damned boobs are too big (we'll address that at a later time)! My kids made me cards and did artwork. They also helped me cook my birthday dinner. You read right, I cooked my own damned dinner for my birthday ....AGAIN!

I know, you want to know what "Peter" did for me. The answer, not a freaking thing! He swore, that he'd remember and make sure my birthday wasn't as miserable as last year. Well, he lied. This one was worse. He had football practice and couldn't miss it for my birthday but the following night, it was ok for him to stay home because he needed to fill out an application! WTF?!!!

Then, the cretin has the audacity to be upset because I didn't cook dinner the night he stayed home. Cook? Hell, I could barely look at him for the first couple of hours. Then when I ask why he did what he did...his response: "I guess I was trying to be a dick." As you can see, he succeeded in his quest.

Now, if I'd never done anything for his birthday, I could completely understand this behavior. The truth is, regardless of how broke we were, I have done my damndest to make sure his birthday is pleasant. Two of my male co-workers said, "it's just a guy thing." But even they conceded, that had they pulled a stunt like that with their wives, the bed might be burning. But then they've been married 10+ years. Apparently guys have to be trained to do even the simplest things, like acknowledging their spouses birthdays. Now, understand, he was aware it was my birthday, he just did nothing to celebrate. According to said co-workers, guys catch on somewhere around years 7-10. If not, they end up in on the couch, or worst case scenario...the burning bed.

Peter doesn't have that long to start acknowledging special occassions. If he forgets after this year, screw the burning bed...

Just call me "Lorena".

posted by Lunatic Wife @ 5:17 PM